As we journey though life we acquire many experiences, some are euphoric, others destructive and traumatic. What tends to happen is that we start accumulating all our hurt, pain and trauma and tie it to ourselves adding up to broken beings. We become bitter, our childlike sense of wonder turns to willful ignorance, our playfulness turns to pride, our innocence becomes tainted and stained to the point where we’ve grown up doubtful, self-destructive and toxic. We have very literally become our trauma, no wonder we are so keen on holding onto toxic behavior, destructive habits and self-harming tendencies. Our hatred is directed inwards because we become like containers for our hurt, the vessels through which our trauma navigates this realm, we become pain that walks, talks, moves and breathes and our worst enemy is the sham of self that we have grown into.
Much of our childhood experience is beyond our control as we were vulnerable, unknowing or at the mercy of our caregivers (parents, teachers, elders etc), so instead of blaming and shaming ourselves, we should begin the process of taking the hand of our inner-child and walking the journey toward self-healing and transcendence of our trauma.
For my own personal expression and in the hopes that my story sparks healing inspiration within you, I want to briefly share some of the things that have been and are still helpful to me on my journey (yes, I’m still learning, unlearning and healing):
Learn to be soft and gentle with yourself, you’re healing. Like a patient in hospital you need rest, softness, attention, nutrition and support. Take care of yourself, you deserve it. Show up for yourself, you need, YOU!
Create special time, just for you where you actively engage in inner-work (journal, meditate, talk it out, analyze and gently confront your triggers, unpack and work through the areas of your life that feel ‘stuck’) Inner-work might mean something different for everyone, so learn yourself and see what works for you.
Unlearn your toxicity (trauma led behavior) by coming up with mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually more healthy habits and behavior. Your practices will always be your own, mine include (replacing cigarettes with running, eating a plant-based diet, meditating every day, sleeping enough, honoring my ancestors, expressing my feelings and maintaining boundaries)
Seek help: I have so much help, guidance, mentorship and support because healing isn’t easy and I don’t know everything about healing. There’s so much that I need to learn and remember, help gives me access to that. Ultimately, I am my own healer but that doesn’t mean that I have to do it alone.